Sirens

Wax each of your ears my lads
But tie me to the mast
Tie me fast
And quickly I might add
Before it's too late
Alas, before I end it all
I ask this of my own accord
Ropes be true, for I cannot afford to slip
But I can't help but listen
Sirens bring your call
Oh bestial torment,
To chase this most beautiful sound
Into the Abyss
Forever
Embracing Death's kiss
This carnal pleasure
Sickly sweet melodies drown my thoughts
Wrists twisting with fervent anticipation
I struggle against the cords by which I'm bound
Convinced a few more turns will bring me to
Final release
Lo, could it be?
The slow quieting of melody...
Panicked, I writhe against the ropes
Blood painting the deck below
Behold it is of no use
My senses dull, their purpose removed
At last sleep...
And in time awaken
To only the sound of the merciless Sea

Plugs 'n' wires, and a healthy dose of reality

Greetings! Might I preface this note by claiming my sobriety? I'm not the first writer to call the bottle my muse, but tonight I am motivated by a more intangible sense of restlessness.

Been on an herbal tea kick lately; never realized what good detoxifier and energy booster it really is. Got into it b/c I lost my voice the other day after overdoing it at a choir practice and picking up a cold the same day. My sinuses have been going crazy w/ the season changes. Yes, I'm singing in my father's Easter Cantata. He's waited 26 years for me to finally agree to sing in one of his choirs. Well, actually this year I didn't agree; I offered. I enjoy singing really... not exactly excited about wearing the choir robe though. Oh well, it's a traditional Methodist church; what else should I expect?

I'm excited about a new Kenwood head unit for my car w/ front usb input that's due in tomorrow. This is a big deal for me, considering almost every single cd I own is simply stacked one on top of the other; and every single one is scratched. I don't know why I have always been so careless w/ CDs. But now, I have the solution of listening to everything via mp3- and this head unit should bring clarity even to the compressed files. On a side note, I just recently installed some 6x9"s in the back, and 4" in the front; they rock! I've put a lot of money in the Celica lately; but I figure it's best to keep it running descently; plus there was the paint job. Within the last 2 months the Celica has gotten painted, replaced both front axles and wheel bearing, coolant flush w/ coolant temp sensor replaced, plugs and wires, new speakers, and soon to be new cd player (usb player!) It still needs brakes, all four struts, work on the front fan motor (and motor fan as it were), a new muffler, and some adjustments to the alignment of the hood... not to mention a few nicks, dents, and drunk bumps. Oh well, I'm not wealthy enough to drive a really "nice" car. But after doing the most recent upgrades, it's at least respectable.

I recently sold my Beretta Px4 Storm .40 to my drummer. He took it to the range yesterday and had fun w/ it w/ no failures. I'm really glad he likes it. I would never have sold it to him if I wasn't completely confident in its performance. I just ended up deciding it was a gun I didn't need... just wanted! I have the Keltec P11 9mm for carry, and my grandfather's Jennings J-22 for backup (fun?) anyhow. Besides, there is always the shotgun and the Mosin Nagant Carbine w/ a whole tin of Russian 7.62x54 just waiting to engage any real trouble.

Speaking of drumming... Craig's a badass. Amalgamate is alive and active. We're practicing every week, and still writing new material w/ ease. It's still slow going as far as shows, and general commitment and consistency from all members, but I'm happy to be writing and keeping the metal in me something to feed on. We had a guy come over Monday and take 800 or so pics during rehearsal, so that we will have something to include in promo packs.

I haven't given plasma for a few months now; it made me a few hundred bucks when I was doing it regularly; honestly, it was a combination of things that kept me from going; I was incredibly busy, w/ church, prison ministry, bible study, band practices, etc; then I got sick; like really sick. I think it was from the regular plasma visits; weakened my immune sys too much. So, money hasn't been bad lately, so I had little motivation to go back. If things get tight, I'll be picking that up as my part time job again I'm sure.

Prison Ministry has been good; I've been doing better w/ my preparedness, and feel confident that I am where I'm supposed to be there. Gary (the other half of "Freedom 611 Ministries) was diagnosed w/ colon cancer months ago; and he has his good and bad days. Often it prevents him from showing up and I have to cover. "There will be water if Ka wills it" thought Roland as he followed the Man in Black across the desert.

I've been on a couple dates lately- has not turned into anything serious, and she seems to be slow-playing me a bit but that's ok. She's not sure about me; and I don't blame her. I'm an acquired taste. I think I'm in the same place about her. She's got the brains, the religion, and the looks, but it seems that we come from two very different angles; at least politically, and perhaps life in general. Sometimes that's ok though- hard to say. If nothing else, it's good company, right?

I've done my fair share of reading lately. Just finished The Dark Tower book VI of VII. It's epic. I've really enjoyed immersing myself in the story, and it's helped encourage my general sense of imagination. I had really started to become dry. Too focused on black and whites... and ignoring the mystical/spiritual side of things. God allows us some understanding; but in the end I will total all of my wisdom and count it as nothing. Dust in the wind they say. I take much joy in the "small" things. The love of family, the sunset, the smell of approaching Spring, a game of euchre w/ old friends, creating music, reading Truth in the Word, and finding those same ancient themes of good vs evil over and over again in SK novels.

I've given up the Muay Thai training; mostly b/c of the cost of membership and distance to travel. Still remember how to throw those knees and elbows though, so don't mess w/ me :) I have been lifting regularly at home w/ a bench and some free weights. No Arnold yet, but much stronger and feeling pretty good. Core's still flabby though- not enough cardio, and I still have a penchant for Belgian beers. There's no doubt; exercise helps not just the body, but the mind and spirit.

I've been teaching myself cooking lately also; One of my favorite things to do in the evening is grab a bottle of wine and get to work in the kitchen. No TV in the kitchen, so I have to have something to entertain me, right? (sigh...) Anyway, my version of Mexican chicken fried rice is pretty good, Enchilada pie is simple but tasty... and I make a mean chili/stew.

I've been having phantom itching on the top of my leg where about 10 years ago I had a really bad poison ivy outbreak. Psychosomatic? Weird.

It's late, but there is no bone in my body interested in sleep. Food though maybe... shot or two of Jägermeister? We'll see.

Alles gut! Bis Dann meine Freunde.

-B

Chasing a bottle w/ The Handsome Family

Diplomacy is a drag. At work that is... I've been really aggressive lately and I need to work on it. It's hard not to make enemies when you have a mind of your own. I just get to a point to where I know how to fix things, but don't have the authority necessary to affect change. Or, slightly worse; I have an idea how to fix things, but I don't even have the authority to get the necessary questions answered so that I could at least begin to understand how to fix things. The underlying premise here is that "things" need to be fixed. Well, they do I guess; I mean, isn't that why I'm paid? Maybe not... sometimes I think I'm paid to simply perform my task as a good little soldier; but other times I realize, I have a higher purpose than that.

If there's a "flaw in the slaw", by God somebody's gotta' call it out! Shine a light on them cockroaches and watch it scatter! "Do what makes sense"; that's my motto. And wouldn't it be the responsibility of "the people that really know what's going on" to argue their point when I'm wrong? That's the thing w/ me; when someone says, "They" say it needs to be this way- my first question is "who is They"? Disrespectful? maybe. But respect is earned, not demanded from a title. I don't respect that which is not logical or true, so I expect the courtesy of a healthy argument about "why" in every situation. Oh yeah, and Six Sigma is lame btw. It's management by committee, creating plausible deniability for all parties involved. It's the ultimate creativity killer, and always stifles the ability of the individual to make decisions. In Six sigma, Severity is king, rather than doing the right thing. I would suggest using it as a tool, and taking it w/ a grain of salt. But a company that uses Six Sigma as if it's a panacea, they're sadly mistaken; and have probably not reviewed their mission statement lately. (assuming they haven't already sold their soul by adopting a half-ass mission statement that is vague and directionless). Anyhow, hopefully I can learn to be more political in how I effect change at work. If I stick my neck out any more, I might get my head lopped off.

Banishment Warning PG-13

This blog was written ‎Tuesday, ‎December ‎16, ‎2008, ‏‎11:20pm. I debated posting it b/c it makes me seem like an angry person. Well, I'm not usually; but I promised Tim Williamson I would be blogging about banishment that very day, and after a handful of drinks, the "blog" quickly became a "rant." Oh well. Enjoy!


What ever happened to the idea of banishment? Seriously. Don’t you think there are certain offenses that require special punishment. Not the normal, lock you up, and “rehabilitate” you punishment; but something even worse. Banishment. That’s right, simply tell the offender, “You know what… we just don’t even want you in this country.” Find someone else who’ll put up w/ your B.S.

Now, please understand. By and large, I don’t think banishment is the key to our problems. But for certain crimes, it is warranted. And, in my opinion, not the crimes you might expect. No, no… not the murders, rapists, thieves, and drug peddlers. These people exist in all nations, and besides, it wouldn’t be morally right to dump that kind of trash on other countries; they have enough of these of their own to deal with. But, what I’m talking about here are the enemies of mind. The enemies of pure thought. The leeches, and the abusers of the “system.” These are the people that sue their local high school b/c they put up a Christmas Tree in celebration of a tradition shared by the vast majority of a nation on the bogus basis of some “offense.” This same type of person sues hospitals and doctors in order to try to force them to perform abortions that the doctors truly believe is cold blooded murder; putting the doctor in the position of giving up their practice or murdering an unborn child. It’s the same person who sues eHarmony on the basis of “discrimination” b/c they don’t offer Homosexual dating services.

Let me be clear: the bottom line is, no matter what side of the issue you are, once our judges start making the precedence that one does not have the choice to run one’s business as they see fit, we are no longer America as it was intended. We are no longer a people that value property, ownership, and responsibility. We are no longer free. If you don’t like the product a business has to offer, go to another business. If no businesses in America seem to meet your personal satisfaction, that’s fine; GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. But understand before you leave, the reason ALL of the business don’t seem to meet your hopes and dreams… the problem isn’t every business in America… IT’S YOU. THERE IS THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. I’m sure Europe would be happy to accommodate your whiny titty-baby attitude.

Or, here’s another route for you. Read, study, and vote. Encourage discussion with coworkers and family. And VOTE. But please, for the love of all, do not sue a business, or strong-arm your local high school principle, or march in the street. You’re wasting your time, productivity, and you look like a fool. And by look like a fool I mean you are a fool.

Everyone out there that feels my pain… GROW A BACKBONE. Almost every time I hear of these stories of a parent who is angry that a Christmas tree is in a school, or some elementary students sing “The First Noel” at a Cantata, the powers that be GIVE IN! It’s unbelievable the amount of cowardice that runs amuck in those in positions of authority in America. When one of these fools try to ruin the world w/ their frivolous lawsuits, and never-ending cry-babying, tell them to their face that they’re being ridiculous and to grow up. Seriously, normal people are too busy working and taking care of their family to be doing everything they can to ruin life for the rest of us; us who chose to find the positive in life, and not dwell on all that is wrong w/ the world.

If I were a judge, I would take special pleasure in Banishing these type of people. Where would they go? Well, frankly I don’t give a shit. If this country is so bad, take your bullshit somewhere else. I’d rather each one of us grow a backbone, and put these false ideas in their place, but until that happens, I say we start shipping them out.


TITUS ANDRONICUS: But wherefore stand'st thou with thy weapon drawn?

LUCIUS: To rescue my two brothers from their death:
For which attempt the judges have pronounced
My everlasting doom of banishment.

TITUS ANDRONICUS: O happy man! they have befriended thee.
Why, foolish Lucius, dost thou not perceive
That Rome is but a wilderness of tigers?
Tigers must prey, and Rome affords no prey
But me and mine: how happy art thou, then,
From these devourers to be banished!

Ein Feste Berg

I'm staring at a palm tree with red Christmas lights on it, and listening to the subtle crash of waves behind me. Gojira's Vacuity is replaying in my head, and I'm thinking of Roland, the Gunslinger. I'm convinced that song was written for him. It's his very own theme song. If I had a theme song, I wonder what it would be.

Perhaps we are all a little too complex to have a simple theme song. We would need volumes upon volumes; symphonies upon symphonies. Perhaps when the Heavenly Host rejoice in Heaven, they compose a new piece, write our name on it, and file it away forever. This they may also do in times of grief.

Music, Muay Thai, and General Malcontent

Amalgamate (www.myspace.com/mynameisrichardvoth) is in full swing again thanks to the recent addition of a new drummer. He's really good; I am enjoying this new opportunity to revive my long dead rock star pipe dream. I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was to convince him to end "The Reckoning" with a 4 measure blast-beat. Metal wannabes, eat your heart out.

I haven't been going to the gym for Muay Thai much lately. (though, on a side note, a couple Saturdays ago I showed up and actually pretty much threw around a couple other guys- for once I wasn't the one getting whipped; it was the other way around!) I was sick for close to a month, and then was busy playing a gig. It's hard to drive that far south in traffic only to put yourself through 2 hrs of pain. Instead, recently I've taken up weightlifting in my living room. It's actually surprising how fast you see results. My shirts fit a little tighter (toward the top not the bottom), and I've gotten much stronger in a short time. I know my cardio's gonna' suffer this winter due to not being able to do much running outside- so why not bulk up a little, and work on the cardio in the spring? I'm stuck with another 5 months of $70/mo Muay Thai fees, so I really should make myself go to the gym twice a week; after all, I paid for it. Regardless, I have certainly accomplished what I promised myself I would do this year: get back in shape! I lowered my cholesterol drastically, and am slowly but surely changing the way I think about food and my overall health. The drinking hasn't slowed much though.

Which leads me to the general malcontent that I have become accustomed to. It's not depression... really I'm happier now than I have been my whole life. But I think the winter season is really weighing on my soul. Plainly, I'm just kind of lonely. Not that I don't absolutely love the selfish freedom that single life allows, but I feel a strong desire to find someone special. Well, not just special... but someone who I feel comfortable being truly intimate with in all aspects of life. Where I don't have to play the part of lover in some play, unsure of my lines. I know who I am, I know who I am not, and I know what I desire. My desires are few, but unbreakable, and non-negotiable. I came to the realization recently how much touch is important to me. Not just sexual, but any touch. I haven't read the "love language" stuff, but I'm sure that touch is my love language. I was recently accused of being "tactile", which I guess describes me. I like closeness, backrubs, back scratching, ear-biting... well... you get the picture. To those friends reading this now and regreting it because of the left turn we took at the word "desire" sorry: but what did you expect. It's a blog, get over it.

Jerusalem's Lot

A darkened path doth turn
to and fro across this town
Dread-filled purpose yearns
Our passions subtly drown

Discernment lost or long forgotten
'Salem's Lot will quench thy thirst
Of us who remember souls begotten
To Hell artfully coerced.